Throughout our adult lives, we make decisions independently—and we like it that way. A future where someone else may need to assist in the decision-making process isn’t always pleasant, but having important conversations before that time comes is critical to making sure your wishes are honored. Start by asking yourself:
If I reach a point where I’m not able to make the best decisions for my life, who do I want to help me? What do I want that person to know?
At Silver Pathways, I frequently guide clients through these important questions because good communication with the right people actually safeguards your independence for as long as possible. By taking the time to plan now, you ensure that your wishes are respected and that your loved ones or trusted advisors are prepared to support you when needed.
Having helped many seniors navigate this process, I’ve created a simple list of considerations to help you decide who should be involved and what key details to communicate.
Who should I communicate my wishes to?
When deciding who to entrust with this information, it’s important to choose someone who is trustworthy, empathetic, and capable of following through with delicate decisions. This might be a spouse, adult child, or another family member. Alternatively, you may prefer a close friend or a professional, such as a lawyer, geriatric care manager, or other professional.
Consider these questions:
- Who will respect your independence while ensuring your wishes are carried out when you need help?
- Should you communicate with more than one person (e.g., a family member and a professional)?
- If choosing a family member, are they nearby and able to manage your needs along with their own responsibilities?
What should I communicate?
You can choose how detailed you’d like to be, but it’s crucial to clearly communicate your goals and preferences regarding medical care, living arrangements, belongings, and finances. These considerations can be grouped into three categories:
“Big” Things
These are critical matters everyone should discuss with family members and trusted professionals. Having these conversations now will make tough decisions easier for your loved ones in the future.
Medical care wishes, including:
- Living will
- Healthcare power of attorney (POA)
- DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) orders
- Preferred medical providers
- Medical history and records
- Organ donation preferences
- Health insurance details (policies, Medicare, long-term care insurance)
Financial considerations, including:
- Bank accounts and financial institutions
- Insurance policies (health, life, and long-term care)
- Estate planning documents (wills, trusts, and financial POA)
- Lists of assets (property, investments, savings) and liabilities (debts)
- Plans for managing investments and income
- Tax considerations and strategies
- Digital legacy (passwords and access to online accounts)
- Funeral and burial preferences (prepaid plans, instructions)
“Medium” Things
These are decisions that could evolve over time but are important to consider and plan for now.
Lodging and future living arrangements, including:
- Preferences for staying in your home or making a move
- Caregiver arrangements (professional care, family assistance, etc.)
- Backup plans if your preferred living situation becomes unsustainable
Downsizing options, including:
- Strategies for reducing belongings in preparation for future moves
- Potential home modifications to make your space aging-friendly (ramps, grab bars, shower modifications)
Transportation plans:
- Arrangements for transportation if driving becomes difficult (ride-sharing, family help, public transportation)
Social and recreational involvement:
- Plans for maintaining community connections, hobbies, and social interactions as circumstances change
“Small” Things (That Have a Big Impact!)
These are the personal details that may seem minor but can make a significant difference in your comfort and quality of life.
Personal preferences, including:
- Favorite clothing items (e.g., a cozy robe or slippers)
- Entertainment preferences (favorite TV shows, music, movies)
- Comfort items (favorite snacks, drinks, or a special blanket)
- Rituals or routines that bring you joy (e.g., morning tea, evening walks)
I once had a client—let’s call her Judy—who was moving into a much smaller space. Her family was helping her choose which furnishings to take, and they wanted to bring a couch for the living room, even though it left no room for Judy’s favorite recliner. I understood where both sides were coming from: the family wanted the new space to look nice, while Judy just wanted to be comfortable. When I pointed this out, they agreed Judy should keep the chair she loved rather than prioritizing the matching couch.
Another time, I worked with Geri, who struggled with memory issues. She loved Bobby Vinton, so we always had his music playing while we sorted through her belongings. But when her family came to help, they often played 80s music, and I noticed Geri became more agitated and distracted. I suggested they switch to Bobby Vinton’s tunes, and it made a world of difference. Sometimes, during big transitions, it’s the little things that bring the most comfort.
Why are these details important to you?
When you share your preferences with your trusted person, be sure to explain why you made your choices. This will help them make future decisions that align with your reasons. For example, if you plan to relocate based on proximity to a family member, they can keep that in mind if plans change unexpectedly.
Communicating your wishes ensures that your desires are respected and followed while also preventing confusion, miscommunication, or family disputes. Having a trusted person aware of your rationale helps maintain your autonomy and relieves stress on your family or caregivers.
When should you communicate your wishes?
It’s best to have these conversations early, well before any health issues or unexpected circumstances arise. Early discussions give everyone time to prepare and make well-considered decisions, avoiding rushed choices in an emergency. Choosing a planned, relaxed opportunity without time pressure will help ensure the best outcome for everyone involved. Set aside time specifically for this important conversation rather than trying to squeeze it in around the hustle and bustle of the holidays or other family gatherings.
Where should you have this conversation?
Choose a comfortable, private, and non-distracting environment. This could be at your home, over a relaxed family meal, or in a professional’s office (like an attorney or financial planner), if necessary. The setting should encourage openness and allow for an in-depth discussion. At Silver Pathways, we have facilitated many important conversations between clients and their family members to the benefit of all involved. However, some may find that a counselor or attorney is the best option to facilitate more complicated family dynamics.
How should you approach this conversation?
Be direct but sensitive to the feelings of your trusted person. Sometimes, these conversations can cause the individual on the receiving end to question if something serious prompted your discussions (for example, they may wonder if you have a new health diagnosis or a relationship change), so be prepared to explain your motivations for beginning these important conversations.
Focus on your goals and explain why these discussions matter to you. Use clear, specific language to avoid ambiguity, and consider preparing written notes or documents to guide the conversation. Encourage your trusted person to ask questions and share their feedback, but also be prepared to stand firm on your preferences. As the conversation unfolds, you may discover that this individual is not willing or able to serve in the role you had hoped; or you may begin to realize that this person is not the best fit. Be prepared for these possibilities and think through how you might respond. Remember that you are taking an important step in securing your wishes for the future by beginning these essential talks!
I’m Jill Hart, and I am an organizing & real estate professional who specializes in downsizing. If this post touched on a topic you’ve thought about (or would like to), I’d love to talk with you about your options. Our first conversation is free, and I’ll never pressure you to work with me beyond it.
If you choose to, here’s what you can expect:
- Get a plan. I can help you walk through the who, what, why, when, where, and how of communicating your wishes!
- Get a team. When you begin to implement your plan and need help with a move or transition, our team of professionals is here to support you.
- Get on with your life! Communication is key—choosing the right people to entrust your important info with is the best thing you can do for your future self.
Simply click here to schedule a discovery call with me to explore my services.
| Is it time to downsize? This 3-minute downsizing quiz will help you uncover insights into your emotional attachment, organizational skills, and future planning. Don’t leave your next chapter to chance—let’s get started together by gaining clarity on your downsizing journey! Click here to take the quiz. |
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, I’m Jill Hart.
Back to my earliest memories with my grandmother, I’ve always had a desire to be around those living out the later chapters of their lives. That said, it made sense that my love for real estate didn’t really grab hold until I figured out I could use my skills to help this familiar population. Especially since, during a season of downsizing, support is a must!
I quickly realized that my clients didn’t just need to find different places to live or to sell their homes; they needed to make tough decisions about what to keep and what to share. They needed to organize, pack, and deliver donations. They needed to clean, make updates, and get ready to sell. Plus, they needed to do all this while managing their family’s feelings and opinions (and their own).
That’s why I built this business. We take care of planning, organizing, hauling, and cleaning, and we mix in more traditional real estate services when our clients need them. No matter your circumstances (or fears!), we make downsizing a whole lot easier.
Click Here to Schedule a Discovery Call
Learn more at silverpathwayshome.com.