You’re preparing for an exciting move! Why does it feel like you’re grieving?
As you move through every life stage, your home becomes a museum of sorts, a visual reminder of your memories, comfort, and personal history. Every trinket, piece of furniture, and photo album holds sentimental value, an exhibit in the story of your life.
The roaster you used for Sunday dinners with your family, the heavy flower pot that held geraniums on your porch, the plastic comb that was always in your father’s shirt pocket—each one comes with a memory that feels irreplaceable. When faced with the need to downsize, we often grapple with the daunting task of deciding what to keep and what to part with. The fear of losing these tangible pieces of our past can be overwhelming, and you may feel a profound sense of grief and a fear of loss.
You might think: No, thank you. I simply cannot deal with this task right now.
But sidestepping grief is only a temporary solution, and better things are waiting for you.
Keep your eyes on the goal.
In our previous posts, we talked about another fear, fear of change, [click here to read about the emotional side of downsizing] and gave some practical tips for decluttering [click here for a helpful guide.]
Today, I’d like to talk about the negative feelings that accompany a fear of loss, and maybe, together, we can work through this process and come through on the other side with a firm grip on your best memories and a (much) lighter load in your moving box!
We’ll talk about a few ways to change how you think about the “stuff” you don’t have room for and some practical questions you can ask yourself when you’re deciding what to keep.
Ready? Let’s start by thinking about your goals for your new space!
Most people want their new homes to be:
- Comfortable. You probably want to have a comfortable space to sit, sleep, and bathe.
- Safe. You probably want to be able to move around your home freely, with spaces designed for easy mobility.
- Easy to maintain. You probably want a simplified space with minimal tasks to complete every day.
As much as you love the home you are in now, I know that having a place that is comfortable, safe, and easy to maintain is a priority to you. Keep those guidelines in mind as you decide which items to bring with you.
First, let’s check your mindset.
As you are working through your downsizing checklist, I would like to introduce a few strategies that can change the way your brain processes loss and help you turn a scarcity mindset into something more hopeful.
Feel the way you feel. It may seem easier to push down the grief you feel about letting go of things that hold significance to you, but this is a hard thing, and you are allowed to feel sad about it. Giving yourself space to grieve is healthy and necessary for moving forward.
Instead of this: I’m not going to think about the memories this item holds for me.
Try thinking about it this way: My memories surrounding this are good ones, and feeling sad for a day or two after I give it away won’t change that good memory.
Practice gratitude. This one is easier said than done, right? Consider this, though: the act of being grateful only gets easier with practice. Being intentional about naming the abundance in your life has the natural consequence of leaving less room for the fear of scarcity. It might help you to keep a running list of things you are grateful for!
Instead of this: I am giving so much away.
Try thinking about it this way: I have everything I need.
Surround yourself with supportive, positive people. In every stage of life, there are people who always see their cup as half-full, and those are the ones you need right now. Not only are they more enjoyable to spend time with than their half-empty counterparts, they are good for your own positive outlook.
Instead of this: I’ll invite my sister to help me go through my closet, even though her input makes me feel inadequate.
Try thinking about it this way: I will ask someone to help me who will be supportive of my efforts and remind me of my goals, like a friend or the Silver Pathways team!
Now, let’s get practical.
I know, there is a big jump between “thinking” and “doing.” Meanwhile, you are still looking at a pile of belongings that will never fit inside your new space.
Remember: your downsized home will be comfortable, safe, and easy to maintain! Keep those goals at the forefront to help you overcome your fear of loss. These questions will help…
Picture this: You have pulled an item out of the closet and you think you would really like to keep it. Try asking these four questions:
1. When did I last use it, and how likely am I to use it after the move?
A client of mine wanted to save an old dough hook that had been rattling around in her kitchen drawer. When I asked her when she had last used it, she admitted it had been several years.
Our hobbies and skills change as we age, and you’ll need to be very honest with yourself. The truth is, if you’re not baking bread now, you probably won’t be after you move.
2. Can it be replaced in twenty minutes for less than $20?
One client was moving across the country, so it was important to pack lightly, but he had trouble throwing away a medley of opened bottles of laundry detergent. I reminded him how poorly liquid soap would travel, and how easy it would be to buy a new bottle when he arrived.
It is aggravating to think about replacing something you decided to leave behind, but often, the burden of keeping small items outweighs the possibility you will need it again. The truth is, many of the items that trip you up can be easily replaced if needed.
3. Who would treasure this?
I had a client, Kathy, who had kept a heavy iron that had belonged to her grandmother, and although she couldn’t use it, it was hard for her to dispose of something with so much sentimental value. It turns out, Kathy’s housekeeper collected irons, and she was delighted to add this one to her collection. She told me, “I know Kathy won’t always be here, but it is such an honor for me to have a little piece of her history!”
There are some items that aren’t just special to you, they are special to someone you love! Sharing them with someone who will cherish them is a beautiful way to honor your memories. The truth is, someone you know may want to enjoy something you have now rather than after you’re gone.
4. Who can help me decide?
One client had a sister who wanted to help, but the sister had trouble disposing of any items. The sister couldn’t take them into her small space either! If you (and your helpers) are struggling to keep your “Keep Box” light, it may be time to call in a professional.
The truth is, you need someone who can help you make a practical decision rather than only an emotional one!
Remember, your possessions have both a physical weight and an emotional one, and you want to move into this next phase of life without the heavy burden of “stuff.” While the fear of loss is a natural part of the downsizing process, it’s important to remember that this transition also marks the beginning of a new chapter. Downsizing doesn’t mean losing the past; it means carrying it forward in new and meaningful ways!
If you’re ready to face your fears head first and start a personalized downsizing conversation with me now, I welcome it! I’m Jill Hart, and I am an organizing & real estate professional who specializes in downsizing.
When you work with me one-on-one, you can expect to:
- Get a plan. We’ll make a short list of goals for your new, streamlined space, and then, we’ll help you stick to it!
- Get a team. Our in-house team of specialists will be empathetic and knowledgeable, and we know the perfect vendor for every task.
- Get on with your life! We’ll help you move through that feeling of loss and settle into your new place with exactly what you need.
Simply click here to schedule a discovery call with me to explore my services. It’s free and you won’t ever feel pressured to work with me. I’m here to serve. Thanks for reading!
| Is it time to downsize? This 3-minute downsizing quiz will help you uncover insights into your emotional attachment, organizational skills, and future planning. Don’t leave your next chapter to chance—let’s get started together by gaining clarity on your downsizing journey! Click here to take the quiz. |
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Hi, I’m Jill Hart.
Back to my earliest memories with my grandmother, I’ve always had a desire to be around those living out the later chapters of their lives. That said, it made sense that my love for real estate didn’t really grab hold until I figured out I could use my skills to help this familiar population. Especially since, during a season of downsizing, support is a must!
I quickly realized that my clients didn’t just need to find different places to live or to sell their homes; they needed to make tough decisions about what to keep and what to share. They needed to organize, pack, and deliver donations. They needed to clean, make updates, and get ready to sell. Plus, they needed to do all this while managing their family’s feelings and opinions (and their own).
That’s why I built this business. We take care of planning, organizing, hauling, and cleaning, and we mix in more traditional real estate services when our clients need them. No matter your circumstances (or fears!), we make downsizing a whole lot easier.
Click Here to Schedule a Discovery Call
Learn more at silverpathwayshome.com.